Ok. Why do husbands always talk "family budget" right before Christmas? We all know we are supposed to be spending responsibly all year, but the big sit down talk always surfaces early to mid December.
My solution for the spouse panic attack: He sets the budget and must assist in all shopping. His face grew pale and he gritted his teeth at the thought.
Day 1 (and the first of many): To the mall with the shopaholic daughter to get ideas for gifts for the other five daughters - with husband in tow. We found him the
Dunkin Donuts (no Starbucks in this mall) and gave him caffeine. It was going to be a long day! We were greeted by the "Happy Hoofer Dance Team." Probably the cutest act to hit the mall. Six senior babes movin' and groovin' to top Christmas tunes. Scrooge, I mean my husband, even showed a sign of a Christmas twinkle in his eye.
The stores every man in America loathes were on the agenda.
Charlotte Russe with their annoying music and teenagers bouncing through the bargain racks. The husband decided he had to stand in the store's doorway so he wouldn't miss the Happy Hoofer's rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock."
Next up...
Bath and Body Works. The big buy 3 get 3 free sale! Husband walked ten steps into the store dodging all of the testers being sprayed and squirted by fanatical women excited about the new holiday scents. I wanted him to smell the citrus spray that is on my gift list. He smelled it, took a picture of the bottle with his cell phone and ran.
There was a rumor that
American Eagle had awesome bargains. The husband followed us into the store and then disappeared. We were glancing at the interesting books and trinkets when we heard a slight snore sound. Giggling, we spotted the missing budget guru sleeping on the comfy chairs of American Eagle. He looked content, so we continued our quest for gifts. Many 40% off gifts were scooped up in that store.
Since he was in charge of the plastic, we had to wake him up to pay and collect the receipt.
Our final stop was, in my husband's mind, the little shop of overpriced underwear,
Victoria Secret. I had to make his shopping experience extra horrible by asking him to come into the depth of "Pink." There were a few poor men scurrying through the nighties and bras. There was even your token scum ball getting his jollies around the frilly stuff. I wanted my husband's advice on a robe that I wanted for Christmas. The price tag made him choke. He was dismissed from the store.
My daughter and I found our bargains and went to the husband at the doorway for approval. The credit card was already waving at me as if my husband had surrendered. He was done. It was 5:00 pm and the man announced that the day was over. Something told me that his yearly Christmas shopping experience was over as well.
