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| Mom with her girls in Time Square 2005 |
I admire my mom. She is what every mom should be. She loves me unconditionally. She knows I am not perfect, but is always there for me when I need her. I want to be like her and I am.
That is why I am afraid.
My mom has dementia. At the young age of 70 years old, the family has finally accepted that she will never be the woman that she was. Sharp as a tack and tough as nails. A business owner. The Nana. The matriarch. The woman that I feared, but wanted by my side. It seems like yesterday that she had guiding me through life, now she needs me and all of us. It is our turn to take care of the woman who made us who we are today.
Dementia is confusing to the family. This powerful woman is now not in charge. A role reversal. It did not happen overnight. It took years to get to this point -- she can't sign her name or remember her birthday. But she remembers who I am -- which is important. Because when she can't, it all changes.
I decided to do a series on this disease that steals our precious loved ones from us. I wanted to keep a record of how this came to be. Maybe it will help other families understand the struggles that occur when the mystery unravels.
I knew something was different with mom when I was planning my wedding to my second husband. In the summer of 2009, I was in a state of bliss. A long divorce battle had ended with my first husband. I had meet a wonderful man named George on eHarmony and months later he proposed.
The divorce had taken a toll on the whole family, especially my parents. I had been married for over 25 years and it ended abruptly. My parents were as surprised as I was. My parent's marriage has lasted 53 years -- happily ever after is the norm in our family.
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| My dad and my middle daughter loved Elvis. A silly Christmas moment with Elvis 2007. |
With four children and a shaky future after my divorce, I looked at my mom to help me solve this colossal problem. Mom was always the fixer, the planner, the controlled one of the family. My dad was the stable one -- the bread winner -- giving all financial control to my mom who was always a savvy investor. They supported us emotionally for a few years bringing smiles to our faces.
Neither one of my parents graduated from high school. Back in the 50s, that was not that unusual.
Dad was a mechanic and knew his trade in life since he was a little boy. One Christmas he wanted a Briggs and Stratton motor and that was it. He was bored in school and was finally kicked out for being a prankster.
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| Mom in High School 1958 |
Mom was a good student. She won a poetry contest and would proof read my papers in school. She left school to marry my dad. He was cool -- a greaser with a great car.
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| The shop. The family business for over 50 years. |
They took over my grandfather Frank's auto mechanic garage when he had a stroke. Mom was the business woman and dad was the boss. My brother Tim joined him as a mechanic after high school.
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| The beach house that mom and dad built. |
In that summer of 2009, George and I drove to my parent's beach house to meet mom and dad. My mom never liked the idea of me dating but she was impressed with George. Dad was glad that I had found a good man. He drove down to our Virginia home on weekends to help us build a deck. I think he committed to the project so that he could really check out George. Mom stayed back in Pennsylvania -- she was always an independent lady.
I asked my parents if they would host an engagement party at their beach house. I was really happy about my new life starting and wanted all the bells and whistles. George had three girls of his own and I had three girls and a married son. I was thrilled to blend the families and wanted this time in our lives to be a celebration.
My mom had always jumped at the chance to help plan an event. It was something we could do together. She agreed to the party, but the planning turned into stress and anxiety for my mom.
That day she couldn't keep her thoughts straight. My dad jumped into the event with George and I and we hosted the engagement party with my mom just pacing and going off by herself. She actually was upset about certain friends attending. We didn't know it at the time but this was the beginning of her dementia.
